Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones 
that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one.

So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing 
aid and now I have what  they call blue teeth, I think. 

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that 
people didn't like me anyway. 

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing 
husbands on beer cans! 

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still 
have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.' 

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, 
and call it 'Pumping Rust.' 

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. 
That's when your chest is falling into your drawers! 

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' 
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!' 

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of 
an emergency.' I think you should write, 'A Good  Doctor!' 

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post  Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to these men?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen 
could look for them while they deliver the mail?

Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking, why pay taxes. People who owe taxes 
seem to get good government jobs.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more 
as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.